Dreaming
by Kendzora
Summary: Max's thoughts post Freak Nation. (Yes, I realize it's overdone.)


Disclaimer: Yes, I own Dark Angel, that's why I cancelled it, and that's why I'm writing FANFICTION!! Come on people, I don't even have a penny of my own, so of course I DON'T OWN Dark Angel. Summary: A look at what might have happened post Freak Nation. Yes, I know it's overdone, but live with it. Please read!  
  
****************** I can't believe it. I'm finally able to hold Logan's hand, but at the same time, I sigh, I'm only able to hold Logan's hand. We aren't even really holding hands, we're just holding gloved hands.  
  
At least its contact. There, that's it. Logan and I can know enjoy physical contact with each other.  
  
I'm just afraid I'll be tempted to touch him again. Damnit, I'm selfish, I wanna be able to hug Logan, to kiss him, to be with him, and I just wanna be able to stand next to the guy and not worry about giving him this virusbitch. While we were watching the flag being raised, I couldn't help but tear up. Now that's annoying, I don't wanna cry anymore. I didn't, but I don't wanna come close to crying.  
  
I'm watching all of Seattle flow below me, and I want to scream. I am sick of watching everyone go on in their simple lives, afraid that "freaks" are gonna hurt 'em. They should be more afraid of their neighbor than us. We want nothing more than to live, safely. I tried to sleep tonight, but all I could think about was Logan. He figured it out about Alec and me; I'm not surprised, he's smart. I want to be with him tonight, even if all we do is hold gloved hands.  
  
I haven't told him yet, but I dream about him, every night. I dream I can hold him, kiss him, and make love to him. Maybe I'll leave that part out.  
  
Before I know what's going on, I'm in front of Joshua's house. Now it's Logan's I guess. Hey, I don't wanna disturb the man, but my body isn't listening. It pulls me through the front door. Logan looks up as I enter.  
  
"Hey," his voice is tired, worn out.  
  
"Hey," I try to smile at him. "I came to tell you something." He considers this, then nods, letting me continue. I cross the room to sit on an avalible surface. "I dream about you sometimes. I dream that it's the future, and we're together. We no longer have to put walls between us, no more gloves," I toss one of his latex ones across the room. "I dream about us, as a family. No, with a family. We're living in different spots in every dream. The earliest ones put us in your apartment, then the cabin, then here, but lately, they've been somewhere else. A place I don't reconize. We're happy, we can touch each other, we can just eat dinner together. There is no unhappiness in our family, our children are always smiling.  
  
"We fight, but we don't hate. In my dream world, it's easy to say I love you, for both of us. The words never get stuck in my throat. They never choke me. I just want to say I love you, Logan. I love you; you are whole to me," I almost make the mistake of reaching for him, but I catch myself, instead I put my arm on his covered shoulder. "When we beat this, I'll be waiting, because I know what will happen. I love you, Logan." Now that I've said the words, they come easy.  
  
Logan is staring at me, I think my hand on his shoulder is making him nervous, so I begin to remove it. His hand his on my arm, preventing the move. He rubs his hand along my forearm. "We'll beat this, Max. We can't lose now, not when we've come so far," he looks pained, I can't look at his eyes anymore. "I love you, too," I look up sharply.  
  
He said it, he said those three little words that mean so much to me. Now I can't look away, he's smiling weakly. Somehow I find my voice, "Mia was right, life does suck right now." He laughs hoarsely. "I need to get back to Terminal City," I pull away, trying to get out of here before he stops me.  
  
"No!" he jumps up. I didn't even realize he had the exoskeleton on. "Stay here tonight, in the guestroom." He looks so desperate.  
  
All I do is nod. He gestures for me to follow him, and I do. He lets me get ready for bed, then he tucks me in, careful not to touch me. Logan looks like I should be tucking him in, but he does it anyway.  
  
"Goodnight, Max," he leaves the room, quietly, blowing a kiss at me.  
  
"Goodnight, Logan," I blow a kiss back to him. I lay back, no need to get up, no need to sleep. I want to talk to him, but I can hear him go to bed, so I stay put. I listen as the house settles, and someday, I know I will be in bed next to Logan, listening to his slow breathing, hearing our kids in the next room, stirring and sleeping. For now however, I listen to this old house creaking, and I sympathize. I feel like relaxing and creaking as I rest, too. I actually fall asleep, dreaming that damn dream again, but it's different this time. It is no longer a dream, but it has become a promise of the future.  
  
I will grow old with Logan, I know this, and for now, I can live with this. Not forever, but for now. ****************** ~*~Finish~*~ A/N: I know this is completely overdone, but I had to do it. Inspiration stuck in the middle of the night, so what's a girl to do? Review or not, whatev'! **Peace to all in this time of need** 


End file.
